House of Wax

October 1st, 2005 • Rants

I just watched House of Wax and it’s, well to put it quite frankly, stupid! I have no idea how people can stand watching movies like this. Aside from having the two hot Paris and Elisha, there was nothing, I mean absolutely nothing good about this movie.

The characters basically have three abilities, scream, run like hell, act with an attitude. Paris and Robert had absolutely no role whatsoever, well except for the we’re-going-to-make-out-baby scene. Brian can fight like a champ after bravely receiving two arrow in his arm and chest. People from waxy town Ambrose are were mysteriously turned into wax figures, I can’t even think of how it ended up this way:

Waxo Smith: Hey, did you know that Wixen was found dead sitting in the church?
Waxa Green: No way Waxo, that can’t be true, I was with Wixen yesterday.
Waxo: Oh yeah, and you were doing what exactly?
Waxa: Non of your business you freak!
Waxo: You turned him into wax… bitch.
Waxa: Na’ah.
Waxo: This town is getting weird.
Waxa: Na’ah

Few days later…

Waxo: Hey, you heard about Weaxer?
Waxa: What’s up with him?
Waxo: He was found waxed to death in that restaurant.
Waxa: Nooo, I was just with him yesterday.
Waxo: Bitch.

Apply, rinse, repeat.

Trust me on this, if you like horror movies you should go for something that at least has some sense of a story.

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